He’s usually with his dad on Halloween since he wants to hang with his friends. So I send him a card and a goody box, but this year no goody box for him. Not that he’s been bad but I’ve been because I’ve been so busy. Sorry Tyler!
Now that Tyler has started school, I drive all the way to Rancho Mission Viejo after work.
The exit is Crown Valley Parkway, freaking far! Especially from Westwood. I take the 405 all the way down and in about 15 miles.
Thank God the drive isn’t as bad since I get off at 6pm. I can’t wait until metro makes the carpool lane a toll road on the 405… well by then I won’t be leaving from Westwood. :/
I don’t think it’s weird to “ddaeh mi ruh” (scrub) in the tub. Americans are weird about being naked but it’s more weird if I’m awkward about it.
Tyler asked to get scrubbed so I can exfoliate his dead skin before he goes to school. When he got in the tub and I told him I’d be back after I changed to a tank top he asked if I was going to wear it in. I was only planning on sitting outside to scrub him since I didn’t want to sit in the tub, but since he asked, I went in with him. He’s not weird and I’m not weird and it’s fine.
He walks around (not shy) around me and around the house after his shower and sometimes in his underwear. I’m open and free about it too. Of course when the time comes, I will not do it anymore but until then, there’s no need to put anything in his head about living in a naked house. :P
Circumstances are different when parents are separated and the growing baby is with his mother. He is still a baby and wants to be treated like one. He still wishes to sleep with me here and there. Most of my friends are the same way, even if they are still with their husbands.
I grew up running around naked or in my underwear until… geez, I still do around my mom. I wouldn’t in front of my dad of course, but I never see him so it doesn’t even matter.
What’s weird is what’s weird to each individual. Your opinion of this matter is of no concern.
Tyler and I have been recycling for many years. The fun of it is to collect the bottles we use at home and make some money!! We made $21.76 this time around. :)
We were headed to OC so we found a recycling center in Santa Ana to help us save the world.
Day off means, son day fun day for Tyler and moi~
We headed to Sky High Sports for some indoor trampoline fun!
Man, this place is so fun, even for an adult. I was sweating and out of breath after the first minute. My favorite was the foam pit! :)
Every time I pick up Tyler or drop him off I drive by the neighborhood that we used to live. Coto de Caza. Tyler was born in Orange County and he was raised in the area for the first year and a half. It’s crazy to be there so often again because I’m reminded about how far I used to live! I can’t believe I lived so far 10 years ago and no wonder my parents never came to visit! Or my friends.
Eventually I would like to live in south OC again but I’m enjoying my career and LA lifestyle too much to think about it now. I’d have to NOT be working. :P
I switched my day off from Monday to Tuesday so I could spend one day with my son before he starts school. We had a fun-filled day filled with laughter and two meals! :)
He’s going into the 6th grade now and it’s crazy how much of a baby he is with me. Although he’s grown and wants to do big boy things, when he’s around he’s still my baby boy. Due to his dad and me living separate lives, I feel that he is more baby-like. Which I don’t mind AT ALL!
I enjoy moments like this. It makes me feel like we have a normal life. As if he is with me 24/7. He’s 11 now and idk when he’ll stop be from entering the bathroom when he’s taking a shower but I will keep on doing it until it really upsets him.
He’s still a baby. He’s not shy being naked, yet. I should probably start thinking about when I should stop changing in front of him too but I honestly don’t care.
Do boys talk about girls at this age? I keep meaning to ask him if he had his sex education class in 5th grade but timing is never right. I need to talk to him and let him know that I am ok with him being open with me and that there’s nothing to be embarrassed of. I hope it works!
Also, thanks to his dad and TKD, he has the cutest little bum! Better than most Korean girls out there!
Every week I see Tyler, he grows so much bigger. Not just in height and size but in his features and behavior. The weirdest part is after he hangs out with his friends, he’s almost disconnected with me. I understand he wants to play with them all day but he can at least act like he’s happy to see me! :P
I don’t have a daughter so I don’t know how it is with girls but Tyler DOES NOT care about his clothes. Every time he comes back from church or when I pick him up from his friend’s house, he is filthy! I must remember to only buy him dark colored clothes.
I remember I got him these cute lime green shorts and the first time he wore them to church he came back with dirt stains all over it. It never came off, he never wore it again. I wanted to die.
I like to look at his baby pictures and see if he still resembles baby Tyler but slowly he’s not. And I still can’t see if he looks like me or not. :(
I try to call Tyler everyday but I get busy and I’m starting to understand Tyler’s situation. I feel bad for making him feel bad for me. I often Tyler how much it hurts my feelings when he forgets to call and even cry sometimes. But it does hurt my feelings and I don’t know how else to express it. I don’t want Tyler to feel pain when I tell him, I want him to understand.
Now that he has his own cell phone I told myself that I would call him every day so we could get into the habit of being in contact often. But now I get it. I’ve been so busy that I forget to call or text. I tell myself that I will later and then it completely slips my mind. I would call him on my way to the office but sometimes it’s too early and I don’t want to wake him
and be the annoying mother during his summer break.
Now I understand that Tyler gets busy, and just because he doesn’t call doesn’t mean that he’s not thinking of me. Because I think of him every day and sometimes every hour of the day and I don’t call.
I still try to make an effort to either text or call him daily. The hardest part about co-parenting is the separation and the fear of the outcome from the time apart. I truly hope that he grows to to love me as much as he does now. I would hate to have him grow up resenting me. :(
Last night before I fell asleep, I thought about calling Tyler today. I wondered why he hadn’t called me often, now that he had a cell phone. Then I realized, I could call him!
I always asked Tyler to call me during the week and he would forget most of the time. I understood, he was busy with his life in OC. It was painful to think that he wouldn’t be thinking of me as I would of him throughout the week. Every weekend if he didn’t call, I would get upset and scold him. (Totally not the right thing to do). I didn’t mean to make him think I was upset, I just wanted to express how sad I was when I didn’t facetime or talk to him for about five to six days, or sometimes even more. I wanted him to understand that it was hurtful because it seemed like he would completely forget about me when I dropped him off Sunday evenings.
Today, I called Tyler. As the phone rang, I told myself that I would answer his call any and every time he called. His phone went to voicemail. I sent him a text message.
me: Hello handsome! I just called to say hello and to see how you were doing. I miss you! (old photo of Tyler attached)
about 45 minutes later
tyler: Hi, i will call you a little later because I am helping out at the studio. haha such an old picture.
As I was texting with him, I couldn’t believe how fast the time had gone. Here I am texting with the little baby that came out of me and he’s telling me that he can’t talk now and that he’ll call me later. I couldn’t help but feel a wave of guilt. The bigger he grows, the worse I feel. I’ve missed so much of his childhood and though I’m grateful to have an ex husband that is hands on, the hardest part about having a child with someone else is the pain and regret that is never ending. And for those of you who like to assume, I will clarity, the regret is not about the separation, but the lack of presence in Tyler’s life. I know I am at fault but the circumstances did not allow for me to do as much as I wanted.
I know no matter how much I’ve done or do to make it up, it will never satisfy me, as a mother. I can’t even write this post without tearing and I wish I could hold onto this feeling at all times but it doesn’t stay with me. When I do pick up Tyler for the weekend, everything goes back to normal, as if he lives with me FT. I get annoyed, we’re doing our own thing even when we’re at home and it’s just normal.
I want and need to show Tyler how much I love him and how sorry I am because I can’t have him grow into his teens and resent me or grow to hate me. And sometimes I do feel like he does. I know, communication. I need to tell him. Talk to him. Love him. And especially, be very patient.
Divorce was hard. Having a baby was hard. Raising a child is the most difficult thing I’ll ever do. No amount of money in the world is worth as much as raising a kid who turns out to be a good person.
Or maybe all kids are the same?
Tyler is obsessed with lead pencils and seeing him so excited to the visit to Staples reminded me how much I used to love it too. Of course, we didn’t have these cool ones where you shake the pencil and the lead comes out. My excitement was to Art Box and buying as many color pens and lead pencils to put in my pencil box.
Tyler is growing so fast and even though there are many regrets that I have for how things were when he was younger, I remind him how much I love him and am very affectionate with him. The only thing I can do to make up for all my regrets is to keep him feeling loved and happy. :) Every moment is precious.
Tyler’s aunties had the day with him while I was at the office! Thank you for being the best aunties ever!! Tyler had such a blast chasing sheep and llamas in the ranch. He came back filthy and with eyes bloodshot cause he was so tired from running around all day.
I made sure he blew his nose too in the shower. I got a flier and they have a farm camp this summer that I want to take him too…
He needs this type of exposure. Kids are so distracted with Nerf guns and electronics that other than sports within his community at his dad’s and at his school, he doesn’t get much experience with nature. He wants to go again next year, and we’ll be back for the lavender festival!