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Moving Forward

I love how people have their assumptions on how they think my life will end up, but those opinions only make me laugh out loud and realize how stupid people are to think that they know so well about who I am by just reading why I write.

Let me get one thing straight. I never imagined myself to be a single mother at the age of 26. I too look down on girls with illegitimate kids. Girls that decided to take the road of motherhood without a husband by her side. Although my case isn’t necessarily that, I am a little ashamed of myself. Yes, I said it. I’m embarrassed of my situation. BUT I was married to a man who I thought I love and could spend the rest of my life with. It just didn’t work out. I went through many emotions and realized that even though the parents are not together, the child can have a great life as long as the good relationship between the parents are there. I may be living in a fairy tale world, but I picture myself inviting my ex-husband and his new family over for Thanksgiving dinner so our son can spend it with all of us. I don’t know how the new wife will feel, but my position will be to be as courteous and open-minded to her being apprehensive.

Why am I in the position I am in today?

I worked for an interior design company for 2 year while going to school and taking care of my son. I quit my job at the company because they commission money I was suppose to get at the end of each month was never given to me. The excuse was that I didn’t meet the demands. BULLSHIT, because I had access to all the invoices of how much I did for the company. I wrote the management an email and she assured me that we were going to have a meeting regarding this issue. A week passed and NOTHING. So my next move was to quit.

By then I had got my bartending license and was looking for a job. My initial plan was to work 2 jobs, while I paid off my credit card bills while putting school on hold. Damn those credit cards!

But since I quit my day job, I enrolled to go to school full time and to change my major to architecture.

Yes, I know what most of you may think of me, by just reading my blogs, and yes, I know this is the road I chose to take in sharing my life with you, but this was my choice. I’ve lived an experienced life, and the out of the experience was a significant one. People never have nice things to say, especially about me. I can understand. I can understand that people are judgmental and people will expect the least from me. I honestly don’t really care. I’ve learned to take unimportant people’s opinions and let it go through one ear out the other….

Now back to where I see my life is heading…..

My goal is to transfer to USC and graduate with a degree in Architecture. By that time, I hope to have my book/screenplay finished. Once I graduate, I will then figure out what I will want to do with my life.

As for my son, I’m grateful to have a great relationship with my ex husband and all his family members, (even thought his family was the reason we separated). This reminds me of a conversation I had with a customer. They had mentioned that ultimately having both parents is the best family environment, and of course it is. But my argument was that if a single parent can make enough money to be there for their child and have a great relationship with the other separated parent, that is better than having 2 parents that are together but are never home because they are out working trying to provide for their child. That leaves the child at home and will probably get into mischievous things. I’m not racist but an obvious example would be a family in South Central.

People have the right to have their own opinions, but what makes me different from any trailer park trash or some crack whore with an illegitimate child is my drive and motivation to succeed in life.

I love my where my life is now, I may not be at a place where I want to be for the rest of my life, but it’s good until I figure it out. The bartending job pays way more than my job at the interior design company (even if they paid me my commission) and and I have all day to do JIM (inside joke) and go to school and auditions. Yes, I said auditions…. I’m happy that I can do whatever I want, and I’m making the right decisions for my life.

My main focus right now is to make MONEY. Everyone always tells me, “money doesn’t make you happy.” Money doesn’t make YOU happy, but having to have had money and not to have money, I know what I want. I like having money. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not poor and living on the streets. I have a car, I have clothes on my back, I have the luxury of living in a beautiful home with a paradise of a backyard and I can still eat what I want and go out if I choose to. My addiction to shopping has stopped but I know once I’m back on my feet, I can start again.

As for relationships, I’m NOT INTERESTED. I keep telling myself I never want to get married. People only get married to have kids, but I already have a son. I just want to make a lot of money and provide for him, my mom & myself. I want to travel and eat the best foods. I thought it was only one reason why I was so turned off on the whole relationship, the fact being that this is the first time I’ve ever been single. But the other day, a customer mentioned how audacious I sounded when I told him I didn’t want to get married. Then I realized that there may be a 2nd reason why I am so turned off by the whole relationship issue. Maybe, just maybe because I came out of a horrible relationship that made me feel like being in a relationship was useless. And I was using my courageousness in not wanting a man to provide for me as an excuse to not deal with a “relationship.”

My motto is, “If I can’t be dependent, I’d rather be independent.”

What’s worst is, a man that brainwashes you to think they’ve done EVERYTHING for you but in actuality, he hasn’t.

People disgusts me, especially the ones that are ALL TALK NO ACTION…..

One response

  1. Anyone whose life goals are to take care of their son and mom is pretty awesome in my book.

    Now, what’s this disturbing nonsense about transferring to USC….?

    Go Bears,
    DLB

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