So I had 2 issues come up in the past 24 hours and the first person that I thought of was my ex. And how I wished I could call him and talk to him.
Of course I didn't. He's gone his separate way especially after I saw him tonight (friday night) before work.
I don't know if I wanted to call him because of the routine or if I truly wanted/needed to talk to him because I was going thru these issues.
I held back. I said to myself, single people deal with their own problems.
I've realized in the past 5 days how bitchy I was towards him @ the tail end of our relationship.
I claimed that I was bitchy because he annoyed me. Or were my hormones out of wack because of nuvaring? Well that is why I stopped taking it to have something to compare to but our relationship didn't get to experience that.
Doesn't matter what people say or act like, because in the end you can see right thru them and their intentions.
I'm big on moral characteristics in a person. I need them to be on point, not perfect but on the same page as me on the thinking aspect.
Or do u never meet anyone like that? I don't know how to overlook the flaws that I don't agree with and have a hard time getting used to it.
I think, "why must I sacrifice my needs and accommodate to how this person is when its just more work for me in my life. .y life could be so much simpler alone."
But I don't want to be alone. I've said that I did, but deep down inside I know I don't want to.
I want the beautiful family life. I want the man who loves me unconditionally. I want it all.
Is that too much to ask?
And besides, all men are the same. If he compensates something here, he lacks something there. It will always be a tug of war.
So am I settling if I find someone to be with who irritates me?
I do love being comfortable with my significant other. I love not having to worry about how I look or saying something stupid. Maybe we moved too fast? Maybe we got too close too soon, before we actually fell real into love. Actually I should say, before I fell real into love with him to accept him with all his flaws.
He's accepted me, I think. Although he ALWAYS brings up old problems we had in Feb. And that causes him to distrust me. And that's a huge factor. And his insecurities are what annoys me the most!
I hate when he asks, every time I'm on the phone, who I'm talking to.
I never ask him! He doesn't trust me and if this is ever going to work again, he's going to have to let it go and just trust.
Yes I'm thinking about how it would turn out if I got back with him. But not just yet. I need to really think about what I want because he doesn't deserve to get dragged into another failure.
Help me, someone? What am I suppose to do. Give me a sign God.
Sent via bbb…
"I'm hard to remember, but impossible to forget"