I was watching something the other day and someone on TV was talking about being a widow.
A thought came to me, is it better to be with someone who is a widow(er) or a divorcee?
Both are truly exhausting to deal with given the circumstance that both were in love and came into the situation of their current state.
A widow(er) will always love their the lost partner and hold a special place in their heart because it was not their choice to let go.
A divorcee on the other hand can be broken from a horrible ratchet relationship where they lost their trust and confidence in the partner.
Which would be easier to handle?
As a divorcee, I’d like to say my situation is. Only because of the baggage that exists throughout our lives forever. A person out of a divorce is broken and sometimes unhealable. There are so many factors to the degree of failure. The number of years, cause and so forth.
In comparison to a deceased partner, there are so many issues that lie beneath the surface of ‘separation’.
I can’t ever imagine losing a loved one. I even tried to think about how I would feel if I ever lost Bear. My heart literally died for a second. It was torturous and unbearable to fathom.
Memories would float by and you would either long for the person or be reminded of how much you despised them and learn to move quickly away from the memory.
Which is harder? Dealing with lifelong memories that make you feel warm and fuzzy or bitter and angry?
This is so unfair for me to say but right after my divorce and for many years after, I convinced myself that I would NOT want to date/marry a divorcee and especially one with kids. I didn’t want to deal with the headache. I already came with issues and having one doll already a defect and having another doll being defective, well, those dolls would not be fun to play with. I’m just saying.
But right before I met Bear and after several attempts at failed relationships with never been married
men boys, the thought of dating someone who was (since I never have and all the others weren’t working), I thought, maybe…
The hardest part for me was dealing with an incompetent kid who couldn’t understand me. Nobody was good enough, for me and for my son. I knew they wanted to be with me but wasn’t convinced they wanted to be with us. It was hard to imagine being with someone who couldn’t and wouldn’t treat my son as his own. Hence the reason why I pondered about dating someone who was in my same situation or close to.
Maybe being with someone who has a child will be easier, they can play together and we’d have an understanding for each other’s past experiences.
Then I met Bear. And boy, am I glad I didn’t shun the thought of dating an unmarried/childless man.
I was lucky enough to meet someone who exceeded all my expectations on the ideal person of who I wanted/needed to be with.
With that said, both widow(er) and divorcee is a road you don’t want to go down, unless it’s fate and he/she is perfectly made for you. At first the thoughts are scary, but when you meet the person you’re suppose to spend the rest of your life with, none of your issues and their issues will matter. I mean, honestly, you wouldn’t be where you are if you didn’t go through living your life just as you have til that point.
I was and still could be ignorant and naive but I’ve learned that keeping an open mind is probably the best thing you can do for yourself.