Always a bittersweet moment. I love having him around and miss him dearly as soon as I drop him off but then again I look forward to some alone time. But no matter what, Tyler is always on my mind. I am always thinking of him every minute of the day, wondering how he’s doing or what he’s doing and thinking about if he’s thinking of me too… the best part about being apart is when he texts or calls me!
Tyler and I had a really great weekend together. I enjoy picking him up on Fridays even though I have to sit in traffic for 2-3 hours from BH to South OC. But that extra night I get to have him under the same roof means a lot. He’s growing so fast and any time spent away from each other is detrimental to our relationship. It’s crazy because one week we’ll get along great and he’ll go home happy. The next weekend, I will yell and be upset and he won’t go home happy, neither will I. But I understand. There are times I can’t always be the #partimemom and do whatever he wants. I still need to put my foot down and do my part as if I was a #fulltimemom. I can’t let him slide on things because I will not allow him to get away with things because I see him on the weekends.
It’s difficult. I will say the most difficult part is the fact that I can implement mannerisms and behaviors that I think he should learn and carry as he gets older because I don’t see him that often. I don’t get to use the good that I’ve learned growing up to make sure that he has the same upbringing. And as much as it’s unfair, it’s also fair. I realized that no matter how the situation would be, there will never be a fair way to raise a child with divorced parents. One person will always feel like they get the short end of the stick. And i think I’ve come to just accept that fact. Once it’ll be me, another time it’ll be my first husband. (But I feel like it’s me most of the time! :P)
His feet grow so fast. The crazy part is because I don’t see him daily it feels like it grows at a lightening speed! He just informed me that the last pair of Vans I got him are snug so I decided to get him new shoes. Although I’d like to get him multiple pairs at once, I don’t know if I want to risk the chance of his feet growing out of them without any use.
Being a part time parent has been rough. All I want is for Tyler to grow up knowing and remembering that I loved him exponentially. Even though I didn’t want to show my love by buying him things (because that’s what my parents did), I know that he will understand my actions as he grows up. It’s a struggle for me since my time is limited to weekends and not because it’s legally set that way. We have a 50/50 custody agreement. Well, 51/49 for tax purposes, favoring me. But I had to put Tyler first. His life with his dad is better suited for him now with his new family growing and I’m just settling into mine. I know in the future, we will live closer and he’ll be able to come back and forth without interrupting his school and my work schedule. I’d love for him to spend the night so I can take him to school in the am and pack him lunch.
Things like purchasing a pair of shoes may be minuscule to some parents, but to me it’s a realization of how fast time is growing and how little time I have with baby Tyler. Everything I do, I do it for him.