#Bye

Always a bittersweet moment. I love having him around and miss him dearly as soon as I drop him off but then again I look forward to some alone time. But no matter what, Tyler is always on my mind. I am always thinking of him every minute of the day, wondering how he’s doing or what he’s doing and thinking about if he’s thinking of me too… the best part about being apart is when he texts or calls me!

#TylerDay #DTLA

Tyler and I had a really great weekend together. I enjoy picking him up on Fridays even though I have to sit in traffic for 2-3 hours from BH to South OC. But that extra night I get to have him under the same roof means a lot. He’s growing so fast and any time spent away from each other is detrimental to our relationship. It’s crazy because one week we’ll get along great and he’ll go home happy. The next weekend, I will yell and be upset and he won’t go home happy, neither will I. But I understand. There are times I can’t always be the #partimemom and do whatever he wants. I still need to put my foot down and do my part as if I was a #fulltimemom. I can’t let him slide on things because I will not allow him to get away with things because I see him on the weekends.

It’s difficult. I will say the most difficult part is the fact that I can implement mannerisms and behaviors that I think he should learn and carry as he gets older because I don’t see him that often. I don’t get to use the good that I’ve learned growing up to make sure that he has the same upbringing. And as much as it’s unfair, it’s also fair. I realized that no matter how the situation would be, there will never be a fair way to raise a child with divorced parents. One person will always feel like they get the short end of the stick. And i think I’ve come to just accept that fact. Once it’ll be me, another time it’ll be my first husband. (But I feel like it’s me most of the time! :P)

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I enjoy moments like this. It makes me feel like we have a normal life. As if he is with me 24/7. He’s 11 now and idk when he’ll stop be from entering the bathroom when he’s taking a shower but I will keep on doing it until it really upsets him.

He’s still a baby. He’s not shy being naked, yet. I should probably start thinking about when I should stop changing in front of him too but I honestly don’t care.

Do boys talk about girls at this age? I keep meaning to ask him if he had his sex education class in 5th grade but timing is never right. I need to talk to him and let him know that I am ok with him being open with me and that there’s nothing to be embarrassed of. I hope it works!

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Also, thanks to his dad and TKD, he has the cutest little bum! Better than most Korean girls out there!

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Like Mommy Like Son

Or maybe all kids are the same?

Tyler is obsessed with lead pencils and seeing him so excited to the visit to Staples reminded me how much I used to love it too. Of course, we didn’t have these cool ones where you shake the pencil and the lead comes out. My excitement was to Art Box and buying as many color pens and lead pencils to put in my pencil box.

Tyler is growing so fast and even though there are many regrets that I have for how things were when he was younger, I remind him how much I love him and am very affectionate with him. The only thing I can do to make up for all my regrets is to keep him feeling loved and happy. 🙂 Every moment is precious.

Pilot Mechanical Pencil Dr. Grip G-Spec Flash Colors

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

She didn’t want anything fancy and she wanted something taken out. There’s not much in Downey so Bear picked up BJ’s. I was feeling under the weather so I slept as soon as we came over. They even ate without me.

Every year her birthday passes, I wish I could do so much more. The life she gave me as a child and early adulthood, I know I wouldn’t have been able to experience it all without her.

It’s crazy to think the amount of money that was earned by my parents and how little I knew about earning that for myself and how hard it would be.

Now with my new job and the opportunities to succeed, I want to be able to provide her with more than she has ever given me.

There’s a Korean saying “You never appreciate your parents until you have a child of your own.” It is true. Although when I first had Tyler, I was 21 (about to turn 22) and I had no idea the struggles of making a living.

She gave me a stress free life until I was 27. That’s a long time and yes, I took a while to grow up but I don’t think she knew how else to be, but to want to take care of me.

My mom is the strongest and most hopeful person I know. She is kind and generous and always right.

We talked about the life we had this past weekend and even how blind she was to the amount of money at their disposal. She told me how she wished she was smarter and invested instead of blowing millions over pride and ego during my parent’s divorce. Even with all the financial hardship, she still holds a strong belief in my success and ambition. She continues to support me and help me come to reality about earning my money.

I love you mom and even know I know you will never read my blog (she’s old school and not tech friendly), I want you to know how much I love you and everything I do, I do it for you (and Tyler).

Happy birthday mommy and I wish I can make you proud!

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Are all Korean women controlling or is it just me?

Or maybe it’s my friends and I.

I was lying in bed the other day and I was recapping the day and how I behaved throughout.

Luckily, I’m in a relationship with a really patient MAN who lets me be.

It wasn’t until recently that I was informed of my controlling behavior (to my face).

I always knew I had a strong personality but I had always been with men who had stronger ones so I never realized how strong mine was.

Or maybe because I was deprived from my natural habitat from been shut down by these men that I’m more controlling now?

IDK.

Because Bear has told me in a kind and respectful way, I catch myself being neurotic and I try to control my controlling-ness. 😛

Especially when he drives. I get so frustrated by the way he drives, how and when he brakes, merge lanes, stop at lights and well, just about everything. (I’m such a better driver, he admitted to me)

I get frustrated when I ask him to do things and he does it the slow/long way. That’s when I realize, I should have just done it myself.

Never Rarely does he complain or get upset at me.

I know this character of mine may be categorized as…

Type A

The theory describes “Type A” individuals as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, impatient, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving “workaholics” who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.

I also find myself doing the same thing to Tyler. I get irritated by the way he eats, acts and does things because it’s not the way I want him to do it.

It’s been a struggle for me after coming to this realization because I know and fully understand that I have to let Tyler be the way he is so he can grow up to be a healthy (mentally and physically) boy. He can’t have some Korean mom be a Nazi and tell him what to do! He’ll grow up with issues, women issues. 🙁

As for Bear, he loves me so I don’t expect to change for him. 😛 JK, Obviously, if I’m changing my control levels for Tyler, it’ll be a change in my life, all around.

I just need to accept that everyone isn’t as quick, observant, intuitive and perfect like me! 😛

I was having a conversation with Terry the other day and she was explaining to me how she likes guys to be controlling and to take care of everything. I thought to myself, “so do I!”

Well, if I’m going to have some guy take control and take care of everything (even if it’s half assed) I’d better start letting go of a lot of stufffffssss!